Monday, December 13, 2010

Disneyland... Happiest place on earth?


Disneyland. OOHH EMMM GGGEEEZZZZ. haha i don't see the big deal. We go every year for my mom's work christmas party thing and hang out and get to see everyone and all the kids and everything and this year i decided I wanted to see how many weird people I saw. I saw hundreds. Disneyland is bizarre.

1) Ladies with baggy rainbow pants and satin wide leg pajama pants and pink hair. These were big ladies. And there were more than a few of them this was bad. Like bad bad. Who the fuck wears that? They looked like biker chicks trying to look like Jeffry Star and Lady Gaga and Katy Perry it was weird. I was kinda scared. They looked like they were going to eat me and spit me out looking worse than them. I was bookin it to get away from them

2) The chubbiest family of my life. They were short. And round. Like I'm talking blueberry status. Think Agustus Gloop from Willy Wonka status. There was a mom a dad and a kid. They got off the tram and the kid- who happened to be unusually thin for a 4 year old boy and had chubby parents.. must have been adopted- was whining to his mom at 10 AM about how he wanted a lolly pop the mom was bitching at him saying in some annoying parrot kinda accent "NO! YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL AFTER LUNCH" and then she was like "Hunny... wasn't the park supposed to be right here after we got off the tram" He responded "No we have to walk there and she was like "Oh no... we have to WALK!?!?!" These people were out of breathe 10 steps off the tram. I just wanted to say oh honey you are going to have a long day.

3) Crazy italian woman screaming at her kids and running over people with her stroller. She looked like an older, uglier version of Snookie. And she ran over my foot with her stroller and yelled at me for being in her way. What the hell is wrong with this woman??? Lets pick a fight at disneyland. That sounds like fun. She's the type to pull the earrings out and just deck someone. So i let her go.

4) Short spikey red hair. Think boy cut. With two "pig tails" on the top. They looked more like chunks of hair impersonating devils horns to me. Rainbow colored eye shadow. Stripes. One stripe of yellow. One stripe of orange next to it kinda thing. Soo hot. Green V neck. No boobs. 1000 beaded bracelets all over her arms, "chains" hanging from her stud belt, a sash... Wide leg pants. and im talkin WIDE LEG like are those a sumo wrestler's pants from the 60's???? They are huge with a flare at the bottom? With pink stitching. Her sketchers shapeups peeking out. Her pants were a bit too short. And cows. Cows. Stitched onto her pants. You know like the iron on badges and stuff girl scouts have on their vests? COWS. ON HER JEANS. enough said. And she was with these guys that looked like they were from the mob. Shaved heads. Big guys and one smaller guy who looked kinda sketchy. Black. Bandanas around the heads. Scars. Tats. OH MY GOD. AT DISNEYLAND!?!?!??!?!

5) Gross nerds in orange shirts and camo jackets. Typical kid in the front row who knows everything.. or the one in the back everyone is afraid has a hit list. Walking by picking his nose. Full on. Like his finger must have been at his brain. And he looks at it. Shows his friend. And keeps going. Kids are messed up. Too bad he was like 18

6) The dorky college guys with the two hot blondes messing with whoopie cushions in Pirates of the Caribbean. How old are you? You aren't going to get laid that way?

7) Ladies who try and be MILFS. No. Wearing stilettos and crop tops with sequined mini mouse ears doesn't make you look hot. It makes you look like you are trying to be hot. You are 50 not 20 and your stomach has stretch marks and you have a muffin top your heels look stupid and im sure your feet are killing you and the ears make you look like you are trying to make disneyland sexy. Well. You failed. Epically. Good job. You made me laugh.

8) Crazy obese mexican woman with 5 kids screaming in spanish in line and disciplining her children. Glad thats not my mommy.

9) Asians taking myspace pixxx. Smile close your eyes and do a peace sign YAAAAAHHH!! So cool.. So cool... i love tourists.

10) Lady with piercings on the back of her neck. Short hair. Like what everyone would call "lesbian hair" even though thats not very nice i dont know how else to explain it.  Bigger woman. Goth. Like she would beat the shit out of me.  Pedophile/murderer looking husband. He just looked scary. Buying popcorn and kissing each other and smiling. I was confused.

11) A lady who looked like the female version of Albus Dumbledore.

I LOVE DISNEYLAND. People are weird and they scare me. These were a few of the good ones. Just thought I would share.

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