Sunday, March 20, 2011

there's always that one kid in your class where you want to just scream SHUT THE HELL UP YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF. but you can't because that would just be "mean" right? Stop sitting on my desk and talking to me and taking my stuff and asking how i am i don't want to talk to you. i dont want to hear your annoying jokes or any of the shit you say that you think is witty... its not.
sexy boys- please leave europe now and come to america
it's raining. the wind is shaking the trees outside. my room is freezing. happy first day of spring.

things that i love.
besides my family and friends and all of that of course...

1. blasting music with the windows down driving but not having anywhere to go.
2. making pancakes in my underwear sunday morning
3. starbucks coffee. venti skinny cinnamon dolce lattes or toffee mochas or passion fruit iced tea with raspberry sweetener
4. john mayer on tuesday nights when everything seems to be going wrong.
5. the doors. jim morrison is my love.
6. swimming in the jacuzzi in the rain
7. raybans from like 2 decades ago
8. red nail polish
9. leopard print nails 
10. lace. lace. lace.
11. victoria's secret.. it's magical there
12. hugs from behind
13. daisies tucked behind my ear in the summer time
14. corsages. i dont know why but i love them
15. when he sang for me. his voice was my favorite
16. laying in bed all day because i can
17. how i can take someone's voice and say "his voice sounds like scratching on a vinyl record of honey and marlboro cigarettes, desert lilies and black coffee" because i think that is beautiful that i was given a gift like that. i wouldn't give it up for the world
18. the fact that i am my own person now.
19. that i am always going to be daddy's little girl
20. how i am talking to the hottest guy at my school right now.. they voted. he won. hell yes.
21. polaroid pictures
22. shoe boxes full of memories
23. my beige high heels and red ones.. and my jimmy choo's and stuff. i am obsessed. i have a problem.
24. how pictures catch moments in time
25. my party purse
26. when they kiss my hair
27. red lipstick
28. beach sex hair
29. slow dancing because you feel like it
30. red convertible mustang= my life
31. youtube videos they make me laugh
32. being albino
33. bad gal bad lash mascara!
34. meeting new people
35. BCBG jacket that i live in now
36. babies. 
37. eminem. lil wayne. you get the idea <3
38. turning into a stripper because a good song for dancing comes on
39. leonardo dicaprio- he is amazing
40. hot cheetos
41. kissing best friends and not caring because you obviously aren't a lesbian. you are just their best friend.
42. finally telling someone how you feel about them
43. walking. 
44. my secret bench
45. my chiropractor- she is magic.
46. my little jar of memories and keepsakes that look like nothing but mean everything.
47. having the ability to cry. since we were born its been a sign that we were alive. 
48. laying in the dark blasting music trying to forget
49. bob marley and blackberry cabernet sorbet
50. miss dior cherie.
51. passing cute notes in class
52. getting hooked on nutella
53. cuddling with someone and never wanting to let go
54. when you are standing at the door anxiously waiting for them to open it and then they open it and your world spins
55. reading a cute text and smiling like an idiot.
56. boys who smell good
57. dating sexy boys.
58. secret relationships. they are more dangerous, more exclusive,more intimate, and a hell of a lot more fun.
59. boys with tattoos
60. playing with guy's hair- i do that a lot.
61. when little kids do really cute things that make you smile and make up for the fact that they are a pain in the ass
62. chipotle.
63.sitting on the kitchen floor after getting into a flour fight and laughing and eating cookie dough
64. kissing pictures. they tell a lot about a couple.
65. facebook fights. they are so trashy and so hilarious.
66. good morning text messages and good night phone calls
67. being behind the camera
68. cooking. it is one of my passions in life behind writing and photography
69. chips and salsa
70. my baby mojo
71. my dresser with writing all over it
72. acrylics
73. mac lipglass
74. the fact that i know i have boobs but people feel the need to continue to inform me
75. working at shea
76. my babies- jaidyn and lauren
77. plugging in to my ipod and shutting everyone else out
78. good night phone calls
79. having someone speak to me in a different language
80. quotes quotes quotes
81. proving people wrong.
82. acoustic guitar and piano
83. notebooks full of chicken scratch
84. my rings- the indian one and the tiffany's one are glued to my hand
85. national parks i have been to more than a few
86. late night movie seshes where you just laugh and cry and live through the film
87. nicknames
88. facebook. its addicting. 
89. being single for the first time in like a year and a half
90. holidays
91. family dinners that go way too far
92. finding funny notes that you don't expect
93. being able to say what i want when i want
94. hugs from my grandma
95. fighting then making up because you were in a stupid fight in the first place
96. laughing until you cry
97. girl scout cookies.
98. the power of delete
99. remembering phone numbers
100. butterflies.

i think i am finally coming to terms with the fact i am albino. 

be who you wanna be. and don't listen to what anyone else has to say about it.
corky's. sweats. no makeup. messy bun. flip flops. zip up hoodie. raybans. walks in with starbucks. orders a huge breakfast burrito- hash browns- biscuits and gravy- and chips and salsa- at 10 AM. it's completely normal we only got about 19238021938120 weird looks about what was on our table hahaha
baby snooki! and look she's eating pickles...

dear heart,

you can let go now. because me and him let go a long time ago and i never want to remember his face or that look in his eyes ever again because it kills me a little every time i see him. and i want to pretend he never existed. he was my first love. he taught me how to let go. he made me free. and then he held me back. and then he made me a trapped bird in a cage. and then he forced me to explain to him why i did the things i did. and i am done. i am tired of being his pumpkin- his girl- because i want him to mean nothing to me any more- just like i mean nothing to him. i want him to feel the pain he made me feel because he doesn't understand. i want to forget the flowers in my hair and burnt feet from hot pavement and piggy back rides and all of that shit that was so cliche. i want to forget being his little princess. because i don't want to be little any more. and i don't want to be that stupid lonely princess in a tower, waiting for my real prince charming.

a girl who really wants to fucking let go now.

you keep kissing frogs pretty baby because one day you are going to find your prince charming and you'll be happy you kissed all those ugly toads who didnt deserve to be kissed in the first place